Past,Present and Future me.

This may be a bit abstract but I tend to think of myself as three separate people. Past me, Present me and Future me. Each of the “me’s” have their own ideas and agendas.

Past me: He is selfish. He has little or no regard for Present or Future me. He is the selfish arrogant one who dishes everything out and let’s other people deal with it.

Present me: He is the punchbag. He is the one who has to deal with all the crap that Past me causes. The gluttony and sloth. He has to pick up the pieces and feel the guilt and shame for what has happened.

Future me: He is the optimist. He sees the world for what it can be. He truly believes that it will all work out and be better, eventually. He is also naive enough to think that the other two will do their part. He will be able to reap the rewards without having to put in any of the work.

Trying to get these three selfish men to work together in one body is hard work. I am not even sure if it is possible. Other people seem to have it all together and work as a team. Why can’t I? I can do it? right? We can do it? …right?

I don’t think this is something that anybody can achieve instantly ( however much Future me wants it)

It is something I can strive to achieve.

One day.


Can’t Sleep…AGAIN!!!

So as I am laying here awake, for what seems like the longest night in history, I thought, rather than getting madder and madder I would actually start doing something productive.

I am really going to try and be consistent with posts, do some recipes here, post better on Instagram and actually use Snapchat rather than ignoring that all these tools exist and not utilize them.

My main problem is procrastination, I always come up with an excuse as to why I don’t have any time to produce anything, and even if I do it won’t be good enough.

I need to get over this and post regardless of if it’s utter trash.





Meet Barry! 

After the loss of Eugene last month we were definitely missing somebody from family. 

We decided to get a new Rabbit to fill in the gap. 

Meet Barry. Full name- Barry From Eastenders. 

He is a lilac mini Rex and he is PRECIOUS!! 

Barry is going to be a house rabbit and live inside like a cat or a dog. I am so happy to see bunny hops in the house again. 

We picked him up on Tuesday and he has settled in really quickly. He doesn’t seem to be shy at all, saying that, the first day he did run and hide when ever Lola walked in the room but once he realised she didn’t care (apart from not being the centre of attention) he is coming out. They even kissed ,prison style, through the bars of his mini enclosure. 

Hopefully it won’t take too long to toilet train him, then, he will have full run on the house before long. 


P.s my bad for not posting in a while. It has been a busy month! I will tell you all about it in the next couple of posts probably. I bet you can’t wait… can you?? 


It’s My Birthday And I’ll Cry If I Want To

Birthdays are FULL of anxiety for me.

The whole schtick with birthdays has always seemed like forced fun. Randoms on Facebook, you haven’t seen or spoken to in years, wishing you a happy birthday… what is the point? It is an empty gesture with no sincerity, it really bothers me. I feel the same way about birthday cards, what an absolute waste of time, money and resources. I appreciate people I know and care about saying happy birthday, in card form if there is no way to see me on the day, but send me a text, not waste a couple of quid on an unrecyclable card.

Gift giving. The lead up to any holiday where I receive a gift is always gross, people asking me what I want them to buy me, for no real reason, when there is nothing I want. I try and make them believe I, honestly, would prefer not to get anything than having to endure that process, no gift is ever worth it. The awkward moment of getting the gift, opening it in front of them, the uncomfortable thank you, the embarrassment of them giving you way too much, I HATE IT!

My ideal birthday would be to ignore it is happening. This year I worked on my birthday, I managed to get a couple of hours, on my own, without any fuss, I LOVED IT until I came home. My Mum came around, with my niece, to say happy birthday and to give me a bag full of vegan treats, it was perfect, we then got invited over to Ollies parents house, with my Mum, waves of anxiety. My Mum is just as socially awkward as me, we aren’t people people, thank god she brought the child, she could be the conversation buffer. An hour or two of stunted conversation and constant dread from me, it is finally time to go back home. (it wasn’t as bad as it could have been)

Me and Ollie don’t do gifts. Everybody is always shocked and appalled when I say this. What is the point? spending money, we share, to buy gifts that neither of us really want, if we want to get something we just go out and get it when we want it, why do we have to wait for this fake day? This year though, I did ask for something, I asked him to be vegan for the day. He wasn’t thrilled. He missed breakfast because he couldn’t work out what to have, he had planned on bacon, I put a stop to that though. He managed to make it, not that it’s hard, to dinner time. We got a Chinese takeaway, a mountain of spring rolls and curry sauce, He chomped through his meal and once finished we sat slobbing out on the sofa watching some crap on T.V. I hear some crunching in my ear so I turn around and he is absent mindedly scramming down Prawn crackers, I scream “NOT VEGAN!” He drops the cracker and begins to apologise, I didn’t notice what I was doing.

This was my whole point of asking him to be vegan, You don’t notice how many animal products are in things, you become numb to the fact that animals have been killed and abused to be put in your, snack you don’t really want or need. Is it worth it?

I don’t want to be one of those militant vegans, but I think I am.



Is It Too​ Much To Ask For Perfection?

I will start this post by saying, I am very appreciative of peoples efforts and I know I don’t deserve special treatment, but, that doesn’t stop me wanting it.

For the last month or so, I have been wanting to go to a pub with, prepare yourselves, A whole menu of vegan options, I know, I am just as excited as you are.

A thirty-minute drive to a little village, the first thing we see is an area of new build housing, we googled the prices and the starting price for a three-bed house was £399,995, obscene. Once we arrived at the pub we pull into the car park and notice that there are some Tesla car chargers. At a pub.In the middle of nowhere. we are clearly out of our league here. We go inside and we are greeted by a lovely girl who showed us to our table,  we ordered Pepsis and perused the menu.

The fact that I had not just one or two choices on the menu, like I am used to, overwhelmed me. The choice of starters were, Tomato soup with brown bread and crispy croutons, A garlic bread, A salad with Orange dressing and curried chickpeas.

I opted for the Tomato soup, I should have gone for the Garlic bread. I came with some real butter packets, which was a nice touch but wasted on me. The soup itself was pretty good, I felt it needed a little more seasoning so I chose to add some pepper, little did i know that the pepper pot on the table contained… White pepper, it makes everything it touches taste like mouldy ass. I didn’t check before I sprinkled, it was too late. Luckily it didn’t ruin the soup too much, but there was definitely an undertone I regretted, like I said, this wouldn’t have happened if I had chosen the garlic bread. I only have myself to blame.


The choice for the main course was easier than the starter. I had always loved lasagne when eating out as a veggie and I can finally enjoy one in the wild once again, I wasn’t disappointed. Let me extend that sentence a little, I wasn’t disappointed with the lasagne it was delicious, I was, however, sad I didn’t get a side of chips to go with it. I stole a couple of chips from ollies plate and they were some of the best I had ever had. I have a classic case of F.O.M.O we will have to come back soon to make up for this.


Dessert, the main reason for coming here. I saw that they did a Lemon meringue pie with aquafaba meringue. This is a dish I miss. There was no point in even looking at the other options because I was set on having this. The tangy lemon centre, the sweet pastry and the marshmallow meringue a perfect dish. When the plate was brought to the table, I was deflated. The meringue wasn’t the stiff peaks I had expected, there weren’t the charred ridges I was dreaming of, instead, I received a flat, half torched froth. Is the perfect vegan meringue so impossible to achieve? I judged too soon. The pie was delightful, really soft crumbly sweet pastry and a tart centre, needless to say, I inhaled it.

With full bellies and £60 later we make our trek home, to the more affordable life. Even though I moan and groan, I did have a great time and loved my meal, I am hoping to go again soon and try the rest of the menu, a novelty for the vegans.

I purposely haven’t named the pub because I don’t want to leave them with a review that isn’t 100% at the moment it is at  80% and that may be purely down to me being picky. I will get back to you the next time we go though.



22 miles.

We had been talking about this for the last week, I had assumed it was just “chat”, but, no, this was something we actually did.(makes a nice change)

It turns out I still need to ride my bike 5 miles to get to our meeting point, sweaty.

Once we got going, we soon realised that our bike seats were not as comfy as we initially thought. Every chance I got I made us all stop so we could have a Blackberry break, Needless to say, riding alongside hedgerows, we got our fair share, and me we, I mean me. I can’t get enough!

We got to our destination in only forty-five minutes, we were expecting over an hour at the pace we were moving, I think we did try and ride a little faster to get to the pub once it started to spit with rain, what a waste of time that was. We got to the pub thirty minutes before it opened so we ended up sitting on some benches outside, in the rain, waiting for the doors to open so we could get some lunch.

Lunch for me was the typical vegan special, chips. Why is that places still don’t offer vegan options? most places in the UK are pretty good at offering something other than chips, but sadly, this place ain’t one of  ’em.

After we finished our food, we put off riding back home as long as possible, rain was the main reason. The skies have been trying to pour down on and off most of the morning and we were getting closer and closer to being soaked in the downpour. In the end, we bite the bullet and rode on, only getting damp, at best, in the process.

All in all, a good morning.



I’m Dead

Or at least I might. I may also be over reacting. 

I swallowed a psyllium husk capsule and I think it went into my lungs. I am almost certain it is going to swell and I will be left choking on it. (There is an easy dick joke to be made here, I am better than that) 

Now… as death creeps closer and closer, I need to consider my final words. Any suggestions are welcome. 



Oh So Very Stressful.

Today has been nice.

I have spent the day at home baking, an apple and blackberry crumble and some rock cakes with raspberry jam, I’m such a fat piece of shit, I don’t care though. I’M ON A BINGE!

I plan to get back into the gym with in the next week, I need to. Since the start of the year, I have managed to shift two and a half stone of relationship weight. I was always super skinny and people always told me “you should eat more” or “Gain more weight” but I was happy, and then I got into a long term relationship… I felt content and happy, and so the pounds kept piling on. I know a few stone isn’t the worst thing, but, I consistently had a voice in my head saying “BECOME THE SIZE OF A WHALE” which is fine, but it really isn’t a healthy or a smart choice. In April of this year, I decided enough was enough and I stopped eating processed crap and started to make better choices, did I need that extra serving? No. I even started going to the gym regularly, only jogging, but I couldn’t run for longer than 30 seconds at a time at the start, now I am running 10 minutes at a time, it may sound like a short while for some, but I am really proud of myself for that. I am proud of myself for that. (I wanted to emphasise a positive, so I said it twice)

Back to today.

Lola was creeping for her afternoon walk, so we do. We are walking down the road minding our own business, and out of a bush falls something, Lola picks it up but she drops it as we keep walking. It is a baby bird. OH MY GOD! WHAT DO I DO?! STRESS STRESS STRESS. I decide to keep walking Lola so she can’t get to it anymore, I take her home and then come back to see if it is still alive, if it is I can take it home and, fingers crossed, nurse it back to health. I get to where she dropped it, nowhere to be seen. I am starting to spiral, HOW COULD I LET THIS HAPPEN!? Once I get home I relay what happened, in my head, and I think I come to the conclusion, Animal nature is sometimes unavoidable. I can’t blame myself for what happened and I can’t blame Lola for doing what dogs do, she is one of the most gentle loving dogs I have ever met (Every dog owner says the same thing, I am telling the truth though), but, she is still a dog. Once I have calmed down, Ollie comes home and I tell him what happened. To cheer me up, we go out for dinner.

What a bloody mistake that was. We stupidly went to a Chinese buffet, every time we go there we are disappointed, we keep giving it one more chance though. This time was no better. The food was badly cooked and tasted like shite.

After our terrible meal, we go to the cinema, to watch Dunkirk…STRESS STRESS STRESS

A 10/10 film, I would urge everybody to go and see this, It is so well made. Christopher Nolan has, pretty much, perfected movie making, and he bashes out another cracker with this one. I really think it is important that people go to watch this film, it tells the story in such a relatable way,  a harrowing experience to endure the angst and tension with the men on screen. The acting is top notch (even Harry Styles). If you go to watch this film, let me know what you think.

After such a Stressful day (talk about privileged first world problems, I hate myself for even discussing this) I am in bed watching That 70’s Show, so I can switch off my brain before bed. Enjoy your day, I hope it goes better than mine.